The holiday season can be a very challenging time for many of us Autistic adults. These challenges can turn the most wonderful time of the year into a season of anxiety and stress that leaves us dreading the holidays and counting down the days until it is all over.
There are many factors that make this one of the most difficult times of the year for us including:
Sensory overload from decorations, lights, sounds including non-stop Christmas music, strong smells and crowds.
Disruptions in our routines, which can help us stay regulated, ranging from very small to as large as being forced into an unpredictable schedule caused by holiday events that often lack structure.
The Social pressure from expectations we feel to socialize extensively with extended family and friends along with the difficulties we may experience navigating complex social situations.
The expectations either we feel or are placed upon us to navigate complex family dynamics including interactions that may be uncomfortable for us and being forced to face potentially unresolved issues.
Changes in our environment include either visiting unfamiliar homes or staying in unfamiliar locations.
And let’s not forget the gift giving expectations. The pressure we feel, or must endure, to choose the prefect gift for someone along with the expectations, either real or perceived, of how we should respond when receiving a gift, can all contribute to us feeling like Scrooge before he was visited by the three ghosts.
Before you say Bah humbug and consider relocating to the Island of Misfit toys to get away, there are 10 things we Autistics can do to make the holiday season jollier – or at least a bit more bearable.
Be sure to plan ahead.
Use visual schedules such as calendars, planners, or apps to map out key dates, events, and activities.
Prepare for changes by researching travel details, event locations, or menus to decrease surprises
Communicate with hosts, family, or friends ahead of time by asking for clear expectations they have, and you have, for the holiday gatherings.
Set your boundaries
Do not overextend yourself. Limit your commitments. Be sure that you choose a manageable number of events you will attend and politely decline others.
Set time limits by deciding in advance how long you are going to stay at an event and let others know in advance of your plans.
Create and share your safe words with someone you trust via a pre-arranged signal to indicate you need a break or need to leave.
Try to maintain familiar routines
Routine disruption can be very challenging, especially for those of us who use routines to help us self-regulate, however you can still maintain some of your routines this holiday season by creating daily anchors and engaging in comforting rituals.
A daily anchor for you may be constantly waking up at the same time, eating the same meals, and engaging in bedtime routines even when you are traveling.
A comforting ritual may be incorporating your favorite activities such as reading a book or listening to music into your day during the holiday season.
Be prepared for sensory overload
You can prepare for sensory overload by packing your favorite sensory tools. Regardless of if you are traveling out of town for a few days or just getting out for a few hours, bring your best sensory tools including noise-canceling headphones, sunglasses, and fidget items to manage overwhelming environments.
Do not forget to plan for some quiet time. When you are a guest during the holidays, either identify or consider requesting a quiet room at gatherings where you can take breaks when you need them.
Be sure to use transition supports
Transitions can be a challenge even in the best of situations. To make transitions easier, use a countdown strategy to help you remember that change is coming. Try using alarms, timers, or verbal reminders to prepare you for transitioning between activities.
When transitioning from one activity to another, be sure to make gradual adjustments. Be sure to allow yourself extra time to move from one activity or environment to another.
Another strategy you may wish to implement is the use of familiar items, such as a favorite blanket, pillow, or a mug to make new spaces feel more comfortable.
Focus on Self-Care
Be sure to
- Rest and recharge. Be sure to build downtime into your holiday schedule to avoid burnout.
- Eat healthy foods. If possible, stick to foods you enjoy and bring some familiar snacks to gatherings – these snacks can serve as comfort food when you start to feel anxious or stressed.
- Stay hydrated and keep moving. When you drink water and incorporate light exercise or stretching into your holiday activity, you can reduce your feelings of tension.
Be sure to manage your emotional needs
During the holidays do not forget to practice mindfulness. Use breathing exercises, grounding techniques, or meditation apps to stay calm during the hustle and bustle of the season.
Be sure to validate your feelings. You will be experiencing a lot of emotions and feelings during the season, so be sure to remind yourself that it is okay to feel stressed and need breaks. Do not forget to tell yourself that the other feelings you may be experiencing during the holiday are fine and you are entitled to experience them.
And do not forget to reward yourself. Be sure to plan something enjoyable that you can and will do after a difficult transition to reward yourself – this simple act will create positive reinforcement for you.
Communicate your needs
Be sure to advocate for yourself. No one knows your needs better than you. Make sure that you let others know what you need to feel comfortable, such as shorter visits or special seating arrangements.
It also may be helpful if you script sone of your responses to your accommodation request in advance. Also, prepare simple explanations for declining invitations or for taking a break.
If this all seems a bit overwhelming, it is ok to enlist support. Consider asking a trusted person to help you navigate transitions or advocate on your behalf if needed.
Adapt Holiday Traditions
Tradition is one thing that makes the holiday a holiday for some. Traditions can also be a way for us to have a predictable routine which can help us regulate during the season. However, some traditions may activate a trigger such as sensory overload. It is ok for you to adjust, or ask for an adjustment, a holiday tradition to better fit your comfort level, such as celebrating in small groups or skipping overly stimulating activities.
Develop new traditions or create new rituals that feel meaningful and manageable to you. Consider a quiet movie night or a favorite meal as a new tradition.
Do not forget to focus on the Joy of the season by prioritizing the parts of holiday you enjoy, while letting go of the activities that feel stressful or cause anxiety.
Be Flexible with Yourself
I know this may sound difficult but try to adjust as needed. During the holidays plans tend to change at the last minute. So when plans change or become overwhelming, give yourself permission to step away for a moment to regroup before embracing the activities.
Stay focused on the small wins. Celebrate every successful transition during the holiday season, even if you only attended a portion of an event.
Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that it is okay to take care of your needs, even if it means saying no.
