The Christmas season is portrayed as the time of the year we should be surrounded by loud noise, bright lights, and strong smells. All these things and more can fuel our sensory sensitivity. Add on top of that the crowds we are expected to endure when we go out in public, and the expectation of office parties and family gatherings adds to our normal struggle with social anxiety and challenges our communication skills.
Instead of joining in on all the fun, that is often not inclusive for our needs, we retreat, and this act often leads to us feeling lonely during this joyful season.
To determine if you are feeling lonely this season, be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you are feeling lonely, tell yourself that it is okay to feel lonely. There is no shame in it. Give yourself permission to explore the feeling of loneliness and try to determine why you are feeling lonely at this time of the year.
If your loneliness is being caused by expectations, you feel from our society and culture during this season to be around others – you should manage and adjust your expectations.
First, spend some time in quiet reflection. Consider treating the holiday as the perfect time for rest and self-care rather than focusing on external pressures.
Remind yourself that you do not need to conform to typical holiday norms. Give yourself permission to celebrate the holidays in ways that make you feel comfortable.
If you are starting to feel guilty about being alone this holiday season, remind yourself that it is okay to be alone because the most important person you need to take care of is you!
Although being alone is all right, being alone, isolated and doing nothing is not. It can lead to increased depression along with additional mental health issues. Along with seeking professional support from a therapist familiar with Autism (if warranted), it is important for you to create a plan to combat loneliness so you can survive, if not thrive, during the holiday season.
Here are some strategies to make the season feel less isolating:
Create your own traditions by choosing activities that you enjoy doing, such as watching your favorite movies, TV shows, sporting events, etc. Or engage in building something, crafting or baking. These activities can become comforting annual traditions.
Decorate your home with sensory-friendly decorations. Just because you are alone during the holiday season and feeling isolated does not mean that a little Christmas cheer would not help you make it through the season. Create a calming and sensory-friendly space that feels festive to you.
Be sure to engage in your special interests. Spending time during the holidays diving into hobbles or interests that bring you joy can help you combat feeling isolated and alone.
One of the best things you can do to fight off loneliness during the holiday season is to plan for the day. When you create a structured schedule for Christmas day, you can reduce your feelings of loneliness, aimlessness and/or anxiety about the holiday.
When planning for Christmas, be sure to come up with some backup activities. Be prepared with comforting or engaging activities for times when loneliness might (more likely will) hit hardest.
However, feeling lonely does not mean you need to be isolated from the world. In fact, it is better if you do something to combat some of the loneliness you may experience. This can be achieved by connecting with others at a level that is comfortable for you.
Start by reaching out to friends, family or others via text, email or video chat. These types of interaction can be less stressful than structured conversations.
Try joining an online community such as forums. Facebook groups (including Autistic Adults embracing Autism). Or discord servers tailored for Autistic adults or shared interests. Simply by interacting virtually, from your safe space in your home, can feel less overwhelming than meeting people in public places that are often crowded, noisy and causes you social anxiety.
If you are up to it, and need a break from being alone, attend some local or community events that are Autism-friendly gatherings, especially those who are offering quiet spaces.
Getting out and volunteering is a great way to break up the isolation and loneliness you are experiencing during the holiday season. You can volunteer to help at a food bank, shelters, or other charities. Volunteering can provide a sense of purpose and connection.
Volunteering is just one way you can practice an act of kindness. Another way is by creating or buying small gifts to give to neighbors or acquaintances. Remember, acts of kindness can boost your mood.
If Christmas is not your thing, or it is just too hard for you to work through, consider celebrating other timelines. You could celebrate New Years, or you can create your own holiday, and its own traditions, that suits your own needs such as Festivus, a secular holiday celebrated on December 23, originated from the childhood experiences of Seinfeld writer Dan O’Keefe
If things get bad for you this holiday season, reach out for help. There is no shame in doing so.
When the loneliness and/or isolation becomes too much for you. reach out to a support line. Texting or calling 988. You can also engage in a online chat with 988 via their website at https://988lifeline.org/. Trained personnel are available 24 hours a day and seven days a week to help you when you need it
